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Should I Let My Partner's Young Adult Children Bring Their Seven Dogs Into My Home For Two Weeks, Even Though I'm Allergic To Dogs, And Other Advice Column Questions
There are too many excellent advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists addressed in recent days.
Should I Let My Partner’s Young Adult Children Bring Their Seven Dogs Into My Home For Two Weeks, Even Though I’m Allergic To Dogs?
I own my house. My partner was renting until the complex was found to have mold and he needed to leave. We have been serious for a while so it made sense for him to move in with me. The problem is I am extremely allergic to dogs and cats, and his kids (23, 20, and 17) refuse to leave their dogs behind anywhere — for any reason.
And they will use fake service vests to try to get their animals into places like hotels or even movie theaters. My partner wants them to come and stay with us for two weeks and tells me it will not be so bad if I just take an allergy pill every day or the dogs will stay outside and downstairs.
I want to put my foot down and say no way in hell. I love my house and put a lot of effort into maintaining it. I saw pictures of how his oldest let his dogs trash the apartment that he was renting and what the backyard of their mother’s place looked like. And there are seven of these beasts! I have offered to help pay for a dog sitter or kennel for the animals, but the kids refuse to leave any of the animals behind. Is this a reasonable boundary?
Delia Cai sides with the letter writer. “It’s your house, which means you get to make the rules — and you’re even being kind enough to help pay for the cost of a sitter,” she writes. “If your partner would like a say on matters like these, he’s welcome to do so once the mortgage has his name on it.” Read the rest of her answer.
Am I Wrong To Expect My Partner, Who Lets Me Pay For Everything, To Tell Me When He Uses Something Up So I Can Replace It?
I’ve been in a relationship with a man for seven years. We’ve lived together for about six years and also have a child together. I pay for everything — and I mean everything — which is annoying. But the worst is that my partner always uses the last of something, even stuff that exclusively belongs to me.
It makes me extremely frustrated and just flat-out angry.
Whenever I confront him about it, he admits to taking the last of whatever it is, says sorry and that’s it. He also just leaves the empty container behind and has never ever once replaced something. I literally cannot take it anymore.
I have tried everything to get him to, at least, let me know when he uses the last of something, so that I can replace it before I need or want it. But he never even does that.
I know this may seem trivial to some people, but it’s a huge pet peeve for me. Every time it happens — which is every day — I feel myself getting that much closer to just breaking up with him. Is there any way I can get him to stop doing this? Or do you think that maybe I’m in the wrong here?
R. Eric Thomas advises the letter writer to talk to their partner about the imbalance in their relationship. “Why do you pay for everything? Why do you have to be the one to replace things?” he writes. “It’s easy to see how your partner’s actions could lead you to feel unvalued or even taken advantage of.” Read the rest of his answer.
Was It Wrong For One Of My Colleagues To Throw Away A Bucket Of Long-Rotting Food Scraps In Our Office Kitchen?
We have about 25 employees, and prior to Covid, we had a somewhat-contentious compost bucket under the sink in our staff kitchen. It was always gross, full of flies and rotting food, and rarely emptied by the people who used it.
Recently, a colleague decided to reinstate the compost bucket and messaged the group chat to inform everyone that they would be emptying it at least twice a week. Of course, that didn’t happen, and it quickly got disgusting — several weeks’ worth of rotting, smelly food and hordes of fruit flies. After maybe two months of this, another coworker got fed up, made an executive decision, and tossed the bucket entirely.
And so “compost-gate” began. Some of us agree with removing the bucket; since it’s rarely maintained, it quickly becomes a health hazard in our shared kitchen. But the handful of people who do use it are upset, and telling the other colleague it wasn’t okay to get rid of it and it needed to be a group decision.
What do you think?
Alison Green rules that it’s not tenable to have a bucket of rotting food in a shared workplace. “If the people who used the compost bucket wanted to keep it, they should have ensured it didn’t become a mess of smelly, rotting food and fruit flies,” she writes. “They didn’t, so now there’s no compost bucket.” Read the rest of her answer.
Should I Continue My Friendship With My Ex, Who Mocked The Idea Of Visiting Me At The Hospital And Insulted My Appearance?
My ex-boyfriend and I are in our late 20s. I have moved on from our breakup. We have been friends since then, until recently.
He has been very mean as a friend. For example, I had to go to the hospital last year. He told me he would never visit me there, even though we are friends. He would “only do that if we were lovers.” He said he would visit a different ex-girlfriend because he cares for her more.
He has also said I’m not very good looking compared to his other exes.
I tried to repair the friendship told him how I felt about his poor treatment. He responded in a cold way, with no apology.
Do you think this friendship is over? I’m thinking this isn’t good for me.
Meredith Goldstein encourages the letter writer to stop communicating with their ex. “The fact that you didn’t mention anything about his kindness says everything,” she writes. “The bad outweighs the good.” Read the rest of her answer.
What Should I Do After My Mom Bought Me A New Car And Then Demanded The Proceeds From The Sale Of My Existing Car?
I was recently in a traumatic car crash (hit head-on by a drunk driver within a mile of my home). It resulted in my right leg being broken in multiple places. I bought a car with the insurance claim. Within a month and without warning, my mother bought me the exact same car that was totaled in the accident. The catch is, my mother expects me to sell the car I purchased and give her the proceeds.
First, this was portrayed as a gift. Now it seems like it's a debt hanging over my head. Would it be rude or selfish of me to keep the car I bought, or keep the money if I decide to sell? The stimulus checks have been helpful, but my financial future is up in the air because of the life-altering accident.
Abigail Van Buren counsels the letter writer to keep the car they bought. “Tell your mother you know she meant well,” she write. “Then give her back the car she bought, as well as the keys and the pink slip, so she can do whatever she wants with it.” Read the rest of her answer.
Should I Be Worried That My 22-Year-Old Daughter Has A Big Group Of Friends But Has Never Had A Boyfriend?
My daughter just turned 22 and she has yet to have so much as a casual boyfriend. She and her single friends go out either in a big group, or they get together at one another’s homes.
By my daughter’s age I had already had a couple of serious boyfriends and had started dating my future husband.
I worry that she is missing out on what I found was both a fun and educational part of life.
Should I be worried?
Susan Writer urges the letter writer not to be worried. “She and her friends are choosing to make their own way, at their own pace,” she writes. “Many young people these days are focusing on a variety of aspects of their lives rather than looking for love, and that’s okay.” Read the rest of her answer.
